Winter comes like a cold white wonderland
The Sundays feels lonely
But once I grasp onto your warm hand
I feel the love of my one and only
Looking back at my poem, I realized each line was a sentence. Some were even simple sentences. When I re-do this poem, i want to use more complicated sentences. I will add more use of figure of speech and use more concrete description in my words. I will probably add a few enjambments to change things around here and there. I also feel that my poem has no syllables repeated in the poem. I will see what kind of meter will fit my poem. I plan to also add more details about me in a unique style as well.
As you go about your day, many people pass you by.
You notice that like butterflies and their wings, people have unique looks as well.
Some are pretty and nice.
Some are detailed and beautiful.
Some are exotic and captivating.
‘Why can’t I look as beautiful as them?’ you think.
‘Why can’t I look pretty?’
‘Why can’t I look beautiful?’
‘Why can’t I look captivating?’
As you fly to a mirror and see your reflection
You are surprise to see that you too have beautiful wings.
Maybe you don’t have wings like the Cabbage White Butterfly.
Maybe you don’t have wings like the Ithomiidae Chiapas Glasswing Butterfly.
Maybe you don’t have wings like the Oileus Giant Owl Butterfly.
However your wings are unique in their own way.
You may not be able to see your wings when flying in the air,
But to other butterflies that pass by you,
They may think you have the most beautiful wings of all
The water is calm
The world has come together
Peace of wild things
I found this poem very interesting. The first sentence gives away that the narrator isn’t talking about a female dog, but her inner person. She has bumped into a man who seems to be her ex and things had ended badly. He now has a wife and children. As the two interact, the ‘bitch’ inside her is growing angrier but changes moods when he reminds her of how they used to be. He hadn’t treated her as nice as she would have liked, unless he was having a good day or had been drinking. On the outside, the narrator is treating the man civilly. On the inside, however, she is going through a wave of emotions. Its a very different style of poetry, but i like it. Its detailed without using too many words
There was a ghost story in my town about a certain grave at the cemetery. It was the resting place of old man Peter known for his infamous act of returning things found in front of his house. My friends said that they had seen his ghost walking around. I didn’t believe them at first. There was no such thing as ghosts, especially one who would spent the rest of eternity returning missing items to people. Getting annoyed with my disbelief, they had dared me to leave my favorite red ribbon that I always wore in my hair on his grave at night and wait for him to return it. Being the prideful person I was, I went along with it and left my ribbon on top of his grave. It had been around nine in the evening. Without hesitation, I bid my friends goodbye and headed back home.
It was about three in the morning when I heard a light tapping on glass. It had awaken me in my sleep as I sat up in my bed. The lime green digital numbers glowing at me. I had looked up around my room and saw nothing out of the ordinary except that my window was open. I remember closing it before I had gone to bed. Thinking nothing of it, I got out of bed and closed the window. I however didn’t move from my spot as I stared at a certain spot in my window. I wasn’t sure if I was hallucinating but I a reflection of an old man. I quickly snapped my head around and saw no one behind me. Rubbing my eyes, I looked back at the window to see he was not there any more.
Maybe I was hallucinating. My mind was probably playing tricks on me. Let out a small laugh, I went back to my bed and got comfortable. I closed my eyes and moved my left hand up towards my pillow and froze. My hand felt something hard and cold. My eyes snapped opened as I saw an old man standing to the side of my bed, staring at me with eyes of death. He smiled, his decaying teeth showing as I fought the urge to scream. He lifted that familiar red string. “You forgot this.” He placed the ribbon in my hand and disappeared. I just sunk further into my bed and raised the covers to my chin. I wasn’t able to go to bed that night. Only one thing ran through my head:
There was no such things as ghosts. There was no such things as ghost. There was no such things as ghost.
My initial focus would be to fill in the significant plot holes like where is her family, why she didn’t want the surgery, and why he wasnt there for her during the surgery and recovery.
In the beginning, I would have Nerine be more flirty in the beginning and not have Aiden give off such an angry vibe and sound more playful. I would also have Nerine explain her life situation without giving too much details that she has cancer. It is to be a surprise at the end. All the reader would know is that she is very sick and she isn’t getting better. I would write a paragraph for the readers to understand Nerine better as a character
I would have a part where after Nerine confesses she has brain cancer, we get to understand why she didn’t want to take the surgery in the first place. It would be because her mom had died during surgery when she was younger, so she has a fear of going into surgery. she’s afraid it wouldn’t work out. She lives with her dad but he’s never home and only comes home to sleep. When she found out she had brain cancer, she cut off all ties with her friends. They believed Nerine was being rude but in reality she wanted to push them away so she wouldn’t get hurt when she died. However she had fallen in love with Aiden but didn’t want to push him away. She wanted to be selfish just this once before she died.
I will show a part of how Aiden tries to convince Nerine to get the surgery. She said she would if Aiden forgets about her. She doesn’t want him to get hurt when she doesn’t remember him. The whole time she was in surgery and recovering, he went to Nerine’s dad to talk to him about the situation and to go to her friends and tell them what has really been going on. They all visit while she’s recovering. Aiden tries to keep his promise and tries to forget about her. Her dad calls him and tells him that Nerine is out of the hospital and he breaks his promise and goes to see her.
When she comes out of the hospital, he knows its her but doesn’t know how to react so he pretends he doesn’t know who she is. He gives up and tries to create the same event they had when they first met.
The cold air did nothing to help him stay warm as it continued to rain on this monday. He still couldn’t believe he had left his umbrella at home. His roommate had warned him that it might rain but he didn’t listen. Instead, he went straight to the hospital for his appointment like the idiot he was. Now he was stuck under the roof of the hospital waiting for the rain to stop. Nice going.
The sounds of heels clicking against the concrete floor of the hospital caught his attention as he looked back. A tall brunette dressed perfectly for this weather came walking up next to him.
I felt my blood turned cold as I stepped away from the door.
1. As I stepped away from the door, I felt as if my blood turned cold.
2. Feeling my blood turn cold, I stepped away from the door.
3. I stepped away from the door after feeling my blood run cold.
4. Blood running cold, I stepped away from the door.
5. Stepping away from the door, my blood turned cold with shock.
6. As if someone poured ice cold water on me, my blood turned cold while I stepped away from the door.
7. After hearing what was just said, I stepped away from the door as my blood turned cold.
8. I stepped away from the door, my blood turning cold after hearing what was just said.
9. I stepped away from the door; my blood turned cold.
10. I stepped away from the door; My blood turned cold.
11. Because my blood turned cold after hearing what was said, I stepped away from the door.
12. I ended up stepping away from the door just as my blood turned cold.
13. My blood turned cold after I stepped away from the door.
Being as quiet as I could for a fifteen year old, I took a peek.
1. I took a peek, being as quiet as I could for a fifteen year old.
2. For a fifteen year old, I took a peek trying to be as quiet as I could be.
3. Taking a peek, I tried to be a quiet as a fifteen year old could be.
